3 Ways to Reclaim Control When Things are OUT OF CONTROL

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Times Have Changed

My husband and I went out for a walk the other day, and it struck me how much things have changed in such a short period of time.

So Much Judgement

This is what we are seeing in the world right now. We are observing a massive divide, spurred by negative interpretations of other people’s opinions, preferences, and behaviors. If we strongly believe in wearing masks and see someone ‘not following the rules’, we become offended and incensed. In our minds, we engage in the process of judgement and sentencing and become infuriated that such blatant disregard for the welfare of others is permitted. We either seethe silently or boldly confront the perpetrator, attempting to seek justice in order to correct the misconduct.

How do we reclaim control over our judgements and emotions?

1. Collect evidence of what you WANT to believe.

We always seek evidence to support our beliefs. This is a principle of human nature — to look for examples in the world that let us know that our view of the world is right. If we believe that people are ignorant and self-absorbed, we will find many examples to prove this point and use our judgement of those people to cement our beliefs. By the same token, if we believe that people are essentially kind and caring, we will also find examples to support that view. The key question is… what do you want to believe about the world and what evidence are you choosing to collect?

2. Pay attention to your mood.

Our mood is a function of how we think. When we feel mad, agitated, frustrated, and intolerant, this is a signal that we are thinking about things in a way that is diametrically opposed to our desires and goals. Notice what subject you are using as your reason to feel badly and ask yourself if that subject is worth empowering. For example, if the elections are getting you down, ask yourself if the candidate you despise is worth handing over your mood to. If not, turn your attention to any other thing that will lift you up.

3. Leverage the contrast.

Contrast is what happens when we experience what we don’t want. Individuals with a high degree of personal control have learned to leverage the contrast in order to gain clarity about what they would rather have. When something happens that is less than ideal, rather than applying energy and effort to complaining and explaining why it’s bad, use that energy and effort to define what you want instead. This process points you in the right direction — the direction of your goals and desires.

Written by

Kim is the President & Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching™ & JournalEngine™ Software, an executive coach & a supermom of 5. https://www.frameofmindcoaching.com/

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